My Morning Meltdown

Joe didn't sleep in the bed last night at all.  I can't even remember if he started out that way or not - I'm so tired these days when my body finally gets into the bed.

I do remember actually sleeping for most of the night.  I was aware that the lights were on outside of the bedroom, but I was way too tired to even make my body check on Joe everytime I did rouse a little.  I do remember getting up around 2:00 ish and found that the baby gate had already been taken down by Joe.  Why, why, why!?!?!?  What was so important that he just had to get into the kitchen.  I had no answer for that question at that time.

I woke up one minute before the alarm shrilled this morning and got up to start my morning routine of getting Joe's meds, his clothing, everything he needed for his upcoming day.  I walked into the living room and that's when I saw the spilled mess.  Joe had apparently warmed himself up a bowl of chili and attempted to walk to his chair and eat it.  Once again he'd spilled it all over the carpet.  The difference this time though was that he'd tried to clean it up.

Joe tried to clean up his mess by pouring undiluted Dawn dish detergent directly on the carpet.

I lost it!!!  I lost it this time!!!  I'd just cleaned up a similar mess a couple of weeks before, but this was worse than that time.  I screamed!  I yelled!  I cried!  I told him to get into the bedroom!  I got him dressed and ready for dialysis and could hardly wait for the bus to come pick him up.  I continued to scream and yell and cry.  I had reached my meltdown point.  I called a friend of mine who came over and sat at the dining room table while I continued to cry.  She wanted to help clean up, but I wouldn't let him.  I just needed to gain strength from her sweet spirit and I eventually told her it was okay for her to leave.  I was screamed, yelled and cried out. 

It took me about 7 hours to clean up this mess and that's why I finally lost it. 

I do realize that Joe does not do this on purpose.  I do realize that Joe does not do this to make me scream and yell and cry.  I do realize that my sweet Joe is not aware of what he's doing.  That's why I love Joe and that's why I will continue to love him.