It was an uneventful morning. Got Joe totally dressed after he'd made it through a morning shower with no unexpected slippage and falling today. The only mishap was when I was pulling his newly pulled on Depend a little too hard and started a horizontal tear across the backside. Ta dah! Another use for duct tape and he had wearable underwear for all day usage.
I left around 8:30 with my usual "stay out of trouble" and a quick prayer in the car. Around 10:30, I received a telephone call from Leonard Landlord asking me "Have the police called you"? And this is the reason why...
Joe's side of the story:
He was apparently sitting outside waiting for the CATC bus to take him to the Senior Citizen Center. According to him, the bus was running very late and never came and got him. And/or a bus arrived but it was a driver he'd never seen before and he wasn't going with her. And, since the bus never came, he decided to go back into the house, undress and climb back into bed.
CATC'S side of the story:
The driver arrived at our home at 9:35 a.m. The driver walked to the front door since Joe wasn't sitting outside where he usually is most of the time. She became quite alarmed when she neared the front door and found the housekey lying just outside the half-opened screen door where Joe's walking cane was half in and out of the door with the front door open. She knocked on the door calling his name repeatedly. (They are not allowed to enter customer homes). After doing this for about 5 minutes, she called her office and reported what she had observed and done. The office called our home number trying to reach Joe. (I heard that recording when I arrived home later in the morning). CATC sent one of their supervisors over to our house and for several minutes they tried to determine where Joe was. Leonard Landlord even came into the house at some point and called for Joe with no response.
The CATC supervisor finally called the police department for them to come do a "well check".
Police Officer's side of the story:
When they arrived at the house, one officer went to the backyard and spoke with Leonard, first to find out who he was, and then entered the home. (At some point someone even went and spoke with our neighbors to see if they knew about Joe). The other officer came into the front door wherein he finally found a dazed Joe walking into the living room in a pair of jean shorts. (Thank goodness he had at least put on some type of clothing). Joe couldn't understand what all the fuss was about. He just knew the bus hadn't come, he didn't feel it was absolutely essential that he go to the center and had gone back to bed. The police officers and everyone, except Leonard Landlord who continued working on the fence until...
My side of the story...
I was at work when Leonard Landlord called and asked "Have the police called you"?
Me: No, why? What's happened?
LL: Apparently Joe didn't catch the bus and they came looking for him. When he didn't answer, they called and the police came and went into the house and found him okay.
Me: Is he at the house now?
LL: No, I think the bus went on and took him to dialysis.
Me: Today's not his dialysis day. He was supposed to go to the Senior Citizen Center. I'll just give them a call. Thanks for the information LL.
I hang up the phone, search for the SCC number and call asking for Joe. They go looking for Joe and he's not anywhere to be found. I call the house. He doesn't answer the phone. I pick up my purse, clock out at work and say I'll be back as soon as I can find my husband.
I drive home where I find Joe tucked into bed like a sleeping angel. He wakes up. I question/grill him about what has happened. He gets mad at me for making a big fuss about nothing. I find items for his lunch (which he was supposed to have eaten at the Center), give some insulin and leave after I have let him live.
Then I went to CATC to find out all the real facts of the morning, then to the Center to alleviate their wonder of what happened to Joe and spoke to the police officer later when I return to the office.
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Thankfully the office of Dr. Wheeler, Neurologist, called and Joe has an appointment after our return from Georgia.
I also spoke with a CNA from Sharon's Health Care today and turned down the offer of her help to come into the home 2 hours a week to do some light housekeeping, meal preparation, etc. I haven't reached the point yet that I want to accept that type of help. I may not get everything done everyday, but I'm still hanging in there.
The biggest concern I had today was this...what am I going to eventually have to do about leaving Joe at home by himself? I only left him alone today for a little over an hour and look what happened. This is the first time this has occurred. How do I know that it won't happen again? I was given some information at the SCC about adult daycare and I will be checking that out as soon as we return from Georgia.
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When I picked him up for balance therapy this afternoon, he was waiting on the sidewalk and using his walking can like a golf club. He was a totally changed person - almost like old Joe. Therapy went very well - he was actually doing the exercises pretty much as Kraig showed him.
He did fall asleep in his chair before 8:00 after eating dinner and stayed there until 10:00 when I gave him his meds and insulin. Blood sugar was in the 500's.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
911 - This is a non-emergency. No lights or sirens, please!
My morning began with hearing Joe call me from somewhere outside the bedroom. I was having my best night's sleep in a long time. "Carol. Carol. Carol".
There he was in the bathtub. According to him, he WAS outside the tub drying off when he lost his balance and fell backwards back into the bathtub. Did you know:
He didn't appear to be hurt - only totally unable to get out of the tub. After a great deal of struggling, we did manage to have him "slither" on the side of the tub, but then he was stuck on the bathroom rug and couldn't get up. I no longer was able to help so that's when I threw on a house dress and called 911. I told the dispatcher I needed help, but that it was a non-emergency and begged for no lights or sirens. They granted my wish. Six burly, hunky dudes showed up. There I was standing in my house dress and morning bed head hair going off in a million directions. But in a matter of moments, naked Joe was standing tall and the burly dudes all disappeared.
I did call the dialysis office to let them know to be on the lookout for any strange behaviour, but all went well the rest of the day.
There he was in the bathtub. According to him, he WAS outside the tub drying off when he lost his balance and fell backwards back into the bathtub. Did you know:
- Each year, 350 people drown in their bathtubs. You are 151 times more likely to be killed by your bathtub than you are by a pit bull and/or;
- Seven hundred ten persons drowned in bathtubs in 1979 and 1980 and/or;
- Of the 24000 accidental deaths of people over the age of 65 every year, many ... in the bathroom is slipping and falling when entering and exiting the bathtub. Joe is now 66 years old.
I did call the dialysis office to let them know to be on the lookout for any strange behaviour, but all went well the rest of the day.
Monday, September 26, 2011
Joe was up and down all night again. He went to bed about 10:00 p.m with his meds and insulin given. The Lunesta is not working! I put his bi-pap on, but that didn't stay on long. One time when he got up he even got lost in the bedroom again one time last night. When he gets lost in the bedroom, I've found him standing in the closest facing the wall, or he keeps bumping into the dressers like some childs toy or he's trying to find his way out of the room and can't find the door. I had put the baby gates up in the hall once again, but they had to come down because he got extremely upset that he couldn't get into the living room.
He's now gotten to the point that he wears Depends all the time. The bad part is that he's having problems getting to the bathroom quick enough and so he goes through 4-5 every night. Part of me is wondering if he's just using the Depends as a way of not going to the bathroom?
When I got up at 7:00 a.m., he'd already fed the dogs. What time I wonder?
I had laid out his clothes as usual this morning and he managed to dress himself until he came to be about his belt. He said he couldn't fasten it. The reason...he has started putting his belt in the first loop over his right hip. Therefore, by the time he got back around to it, the belt would have to have been fastened over his right hip. I had to take the belt out and start looping it the right way.
Dialysis was a bad session today. When I went to pick him up he was sitting in a wheelchair in the lobby. He said he was strong enough to walk to the car. He did, but only by hanging on very tightly to me and almost falling a couple of times. It was the same way when we got home. It took several minutes to get him from the car into the house. I left him in his chair when I returned to work hoping he would stay there and stay out of trouble.
It's now 10:15 and he's in bed for the second time this evening since 8:00.
He's now gotten to the point that he wears Depends all the time. The bad part is that he's having problems getting to the bathroom quick enough and so he goes through 4-5 every night. Part of me is wondering if he's just using the Depends as a way of not going to the bathroom?
When I got up at 7:00 a.m., he'd already fed the dogs. What time I wonder?
I had laid out his clothes as usual this morning and he managed to dress himself until he came to be about his belt. He said he couldn't fasten it. The reason...he has started putting his belt in the first loop over his right hip. Therefore, by the time he got back around to it, the belt would have to have been fastened over his right hip. I had to take the belt out and start looping it the right way.
Dialysis was a bad session today. When I went to pick him up he was sitting in a wheelchair in the lobby. He said he was strong enough to walk to the car. He did, but only by hanging on very tightly to me and almost falling a couple of times. It was the same way when we got home. It took several minutes to get him from the car into the house. I left him in his chair when I returned to work hoping he would stay there and stay out of trouble.
It's now 10:15 and he's in bed for the second time this evening since 8:00.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Sunday...My Day Of Rest?
It's now very early Sunday morning and I haven't gone to bed. I've been enjoying the quiet and catching up on a "chick flick" while Joe is in bed snoring and asleep.
I made him stay awake for the remaining two hours before he went to sleep in hopes that he will actually sleep all night which means I might.
His blood sugar was in the 500+ range tonight. I believe part of the reason is that he's been slipping sips of the juice I send with him to dialysis - the kind that is not sugar free. I sometimes think he's trying to kill himself and I'm the one that will have to pick up all the pieces when he's done so.
I'm trying something different tonight and I've warned him about this one thing...I will be putting up the baby gates just past the bathroom to keep him from wandering into the kitchen and the living room. This will allow him access to the bathroom and the office if he wants to watch TV or get a drink of water.
I've also hidden the dog bowls so that he won't be able to find them until a respectable time in the morning. Maybe the dogs will enjoy a good night sleep since they always come running to the back door when the kitchen light comes on.
So, I'm off to bed for hopefully some good rest for me and a peaceful rejuvenating sleep for Joe.
I made him stay awake for the remaining two hours before he went to sleep in hopes that he will actually sleep all night which means I might.
His blood sugar was in the 500+ range tonight. I believe part of the reason is that he's been slipping sips of the juice I send with him to dialysis - the kind that is not sugar free. I sometimes think he's trying to kill himself and I'm the one that will have to pick up all the pieces when he's done so.
I'm trying something different tonight and I've warned him about this one thing...I will be putting up the baby gates just past the bathroom to keep him from wandering into the kitchen and the living room. This will allow him access to the bathroom and the office if he wants to watch TV or get a drink of water.
I've also hidden the dog bowls so that he won't be able to find them until a respectable time in the morning. Maybe the dogs will enjoy a good night sleep since they always come running to the back door when the kitchen light comes on.
So, I'm off to bed for hopefully some good rest for me and a peaceful rejuvenating sleep for Joe.
Saturday, September 24, 2011
I Just Want Some Sleep
It was Friday night and I was in bed by 10:30 p.m. I'd set my alarm clock to get up at 6:30 a.m. so we could go off on a "daycation". This is how the night went:
12:30 - Joe wakes me up getting out of bed. I had to turn on the light and help him get up and then fell back asleep. I NEED SLEEP!
2:30 - I wake up because Joe's not in the bed and I go check on him. He's in the kitchen fixing the dogs food bowls! I managed to get him back in bed. Then I decided to take his blood sugar to see how it's running - 467 so I give him some insulin and tuck him into bed. I told him to stay in bed and if I don't get sleep we are not going on a daycation. I STILL NEED SLEEP!
4:30 - Joe wakes me up when he turns on the light to ask me if he'd taken his bedtime meds and insulin (the ones given to him at 10:00 p.m. some 6 1/2 hours earlier. NOW I'M REALLY NEEDING SLEEP FOR HEALTH AND SANITY. The alarm clock is turned off at this time.
I am unaware of anything else that happened after that, but I do realize the he has finally decided to stay in the bed. I wake up sometime to go to the bathroom, but climb back into bed where I roll over and go back to sleep until almost 9:00 a.m. He sleeps for a couple more hours.
His blood sugar upon arising is 184.
Some time during all this roaming around, he has managed to wash the dishes and break my large crockpot.
12:30 - Joe wakes me up getting out of bed. I had to turn on the light and help him get up and then fell back asleep. I NEED SLEEP!
2:30 - I wake up because Joe's not in the bed and I go check on him. He's in the kitchen fixing the dogs food bowls! I managed to get him back in bed. Then I decided to take his blood sugar to see how it's running - 467 so I give him some insulin and tuck him into bed. I told him to stay in bed and if I don't get sleep we are not going on a daycation. I STILL NEED SLEEP!
4:30 - Joe wakes me up when he turns on the light to ask me if he'd taken his bedtime meds and insulin (the ones given to him at 10:00 p.m. some 6 1/2 hours earlier. NOW I'M REALLY NEEDING SLEEP FOR HEALTH AND SANITY. The alarm clock is turned off at this time.
I am unaware of anything else that happened after that, but I do realize the he has finally decided to stay in the bed. I wake up sometime to go to the bathroom, but climb back into bed where I roll over and go back to sleep until almost 9:00 a.m. He sleeps for a couple more hours.
His blood sugar upon arising is 184.
Some time during all this roaming around, he has managed to wash the dishes and break my large crockpot.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Doctor, Doctor, Tell Me The News...
Joe had exceedingly high blood sugar again this morning - in the mid 400's. Considering the fact that he almost crashed yesterday when I gave him the correct amount of Humalog when it was almost identical, I didn't give as much today. However, I found out that he apparently passed out while at the Senior Center this morning. Luckily there was a health fair going on and EMT's were there to check him out. Good blood pressure, good blood sugar so what's up?!
He had an eye appointment with Dr. Dodd today. I made it since he's been saying he thinks he's going blind. Luckily after an examination, it appears that everything is status quo. No changes at all in his eyesight. Apparently the dialysis sessions have just been messing with his eyesight.
Then it was on to physical therapy. It was just simple walking exercises today which also involved an obstacle course with three items evenly spaced in a line. He was supposed to go in and out the items just like a slalom course. He was doing fine for awhile until he decided to circle the middle one a couple of times for no reason - and it wasn't to purposely mess with Kraig or me. Near the end of the session Kraig asked him to remember a word "perform" which he would ask him to repeat in about 10 minutes. He couldn't.
After the session, then it was off to the lab again - this time another blood test to test his testosterone.
He went to bed early again tonight - a little after 7:00 p.m. I'll get him up in a few hours for his night pills and meds. I just wish he'd get his sleeping straighten out.
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Note: I've realized that if there is a doctor appointment or anything that has been scheduled for Joe, he tends to ask over and over again what and when it's going to happen. He can't get it straight in his mind. We can have the same conversation repeated several times in a very short time.
He had an eye appointment with Dr. Dodd today. I made it since he's been saying he thinks he's going blind. Luckily after an examination, it appears that everything is status quo. No changes at all in his eyesight. Apparently the dialysis sessions have just been messing with his eyesight.
Then it was on to physical therapy. It was just simple walking exercises today which also involved an obstacle course with three items evenly spaced in a line. He was supposed to go in and out the items just like a slalom course. He was doing fine for awhile until he decided to circle the middle one a couple of times for no reason - and it wasn't to purposely mess with Kraig or me. Near the end of the session Kraig asked him to remember a word "perform" which he would ask him to repeat in about 10 minutes. He couldn't.
After the session, then it was off to the lab again - this time another blood test to test his testosterone.
He went to bed early again tonight - a little after 7:00 p.m. I'll get him up in a few hours for his night pills and meds. I just wish he'd get his sleeping straighten out.
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Note: I've realized that if there is a doctor appointment or anything that has been scheduled for Joe, he tends to ask over and over again what and when it's going to happen. He can't get it straight in his mind. We can have the same conversation repeated several times in a very short time.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
He called me at work on Monday a little after 5:00 p.m. and wanted to know where I was. I had to remind him that I work until 5:30 and then I was going to Wal-Mart afterwards. Did he want to ride with me? He said no.
Then last night he called me while I was in my photography class at the college before it was over wanting to know where I was.
Last Friday he called me shortly after I'd gotten to work to ask me where his juice and snack was for dialysis. I'd forgotten to get them out and he was panicking. Note to self...make sure all of Joe's things and Joe himself are ready before I leave the house.
The prescription for Lunesta from Dr. Fox seems to be working. Joe has actually been sleeping better if I can just get him to stay in the bed. He says it's uncomfortable, but I've rotated and turned the mattress. I have no problem sleeping as long as he's not up and down and I wear the earplugs.
Then last night he called me while I was in my photography class at the college before it was over wanting to know where I was.
Last Friday he called me shortly after I'd gotten to work to ask me where his juice and snack was for dialysis. I'd forgotten to get them out and he was panicking. Note to self...make sure all of Joe's things and Joe himself are ready before I leave the house.
The prescription for Lunesta from Dr. Fox seems to be working. Joe has actually been sleeping better if I can just get him to stay in the bed. He says it's uncomfortable, but I've rotated and turned the mattress. I have no problem sleeping as long as he's not up and down and I wear the earplugs.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
215
Oh, how coincidental...215 was Joe's blood sugar this morning at about the same time I got up with him - 2:15 a.m. He said his back/rib was hurting him so he got up and I did too so I could give him a pain pill, plug in the heating pad, fix a bed for him on the couch and finally go back to bed. About an hour later though, I was back up checking on him. Then about another hour later, when I checked on him, I discovered he'd moved to his big chair. Oh, I need sleep - badly!!!
Sometime before the 2:15 though Joe was up doing something. I didn't quite know what he was doing. He was in the bathroom and when I called to him, he said he was "trimming his moustache." That's when I jumped out of bed and wound up trying to fix his shaved moustach so it was suitable to be seen in public. He had mentioned something about having it trimmed after we were in bed for the first time - I told him I'd do it for him this morning. Once again, he couldn't wait...patience or waiting is something he no longer seems to exhibit.
Joe now weighs 212 lbs.
I've had to tell him twice today already that he DOES NOT have Kiwanis today. It's only on Tuesdays. He thinks and did think that it was Tuesday today.
He has an appointment with Dr. Fox this morning. Later...I gave Dr. Fox the list of all the things that have happened in the last week. No definitive help from her yet except for some sleeping medication and a future appointment with a neurologist. She at least realizes that there is definite changes in Joe. He went back in for more blood work today to determine if his blood platelets have changed.
He did great at therapy today except when it came to Kraig asking him what year it was and he finally announced that it was 1998 and he was serious about it.
Sometime before the 2:15 though Joe was up doing something. I didn't quite know what he was doing. He was in the bathroom and when I called to him, he said he was "trimming his moustache." That's when I jumped out of bed and wound up trying to fix his shaved moustach so it was suitable to be seen in public. He had mentioned something about having it trimmed after we were in bed for the first time - I told him I'd do it for him this morning. Once again, he couldn't wait...patience or waiting is something he no longer seems to exhibit.
Joe now weighs 212 lbs.
I've had to tell him twice today already that he DOES NOT have Kiwanis today. It's only on Tuesdays. He thinks and did think that it was Tuesday today.
He has an appointment with Dr. Fox this morning. Later...I gave Dr. Fox the list of all the things that have happened in the last week. No definitive help from her yet except for some sleeping medication and a future appointment with a neurologist. She at least realizes that there is definite changes in Joe. He went back in for more blood work today to determine if his blood platelets have changed.
He did great at therapy today except when it came to Kraig asking him what year it was and he finally announced that it was 1998 and he was serious about it.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Today was dialysis day. Joe got physically ill today when they took him too far below his dry weight. After I put him in the car, I went back inside to ask th staff how much more fluid do they expect to take off. He's lost so much weight that his clothes and shoes don't fit him anymore. And, it's like the life has been sucked out of him. I told the technician briefly what has been going on with him in the last few days, i.e., falls, loss of memory, etc. He said he'd tell Joe's nephrologist when he saw him. A short time later I got a phone call saying that Joe was going to be scheduled for an echocardiogram with his cardiologist shortly.
His blood sugar was perfect this morning - 118 and he slept all night long.
His blood sugar was perfect this morning - 118 and he slept all night long.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Two Falls In One Day
Joe was getting the dog food out of the container this morning when he lost his balance and fell backwards onto the carpet. I can't really help him up at times. He's so heavy and it strains my back so sometimes all I can do is suggest how he might get up. I've noticed that I've started having a sore back in the last couple of weeks. It's like a dull ache and I'm sure it's from pulling on Joe.When I can help him, I do.
Then apparently Joe fell again later this morning when the CATC bus came by to pick him up. He said he fell as he got out of the dining room chair. The driver came to the door looking for him, but according to Joe, they aren't allowed to come into the homes. So, he somehow got himself up and out the door.
Then apparently Joe fell again later this morning when the CATC bus came by to pick him up. He said he fell as he got out of the dining room chair. The driver came to the door looking for him, but according to Joe, they aren't allowed to come into the homes. So, he somehow got himself up and out the door.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Urpy
Joe got physically ill sometime this morning before I woke up - that's what he said anyway. I had made plans for us to go to church. Just for Sacrament Meeting, but he wasn't feeling well and I had cooking to do for the office picnic so neither of us made it.
He didn't go to the picnic nor Sadie's wedding which followed in the middle of the picnic. In fact, he spent most of the day in the bed.
I was asked this evening if it was Memorial Day and was it Monday. I replied "no" to both questions, explained what today was and asked if he understood what I was saying. He commented that he was "processing it".
He's now in bed again, which was shortly after 8:00 p.m. I feel that I will be going that way shortly myself as I need to get up in the morning and make sure the house is in order and he's ready before I leave.
He didn't go to the picnic nor Sadie's wedding which followed in the middle of the picnic. In fact, he spent most of the day in the bed.
I was asked this evening if it was Memorial Day and was it Monday. I replied "no" to both questions, explained what today was and asked if he understood what I was saying. He commented that he was "processing it".
He's now in bed again, which was shortly after 8:00 p.m. I feel that I will be going that way shortly myself as I need to get up in the morning and make sure the house is in order and he's ready before I leave.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
HI
We aren't going out of town today. No daycation for us today. Too much to do - grocery shopping, housecleaning, lunch with Trina to celebrate her birthday and I also need to get ready for the company picnic tomorrow and Sadie's wedding. I did sleep in until 8:00. Joe had climbed back into the bed sometime this morning after not being there the majority of the night. I don't know where or what he was doing - I was too tired to get up and check on him.
When I got up I was hoping for some alone time so I could do dishes and straighten the house up without him being up. There are times that if I have to listen to CNN one more time, I feel as though I'm going to scream. It's usually on every morning when I wake up and a constant in my ear whenever he has the television on. We have a bijillion channels and he's stuck on that one. Then there is usually the questions about " where is my..." and I have to get up to find "it" or he's looking for something and I get up to find it because it's just much easier than having him riffle through things and disturb what organization I might have.
Anyway, only moments after I got out of bed, so did he. I did convince him to take his morning meds and go back to bed for awhile. I took his blood sugar first and the glucometer read "HI" which means it's exceedingly high - off the sliding scale. Instead of the Humalog, I gave him about 5 units of Lantus and hope that will bring it down safely.
I quizzed him about what he might have eaten while I was sleeping as I saw the empty box of Cheerios and the crushed empty milk jug. Somewhere during the time I was unaware of his grazing, he'd also eaten two packets of instant oatmeal and an apple. Heaven only knows what else he may have eaten. I'm so glad that I bought the locking toolbox and have it stashed with things he can't get to. If only I could lock the kitchen door when I'm not home or asleep!
Gonna stop for now and get busy while the house is quiet.
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We met Trina for lunch today. It's becoming increasingly apparent to me how much Joe is changing when we eat out these days. When we go to the Dragon Wall, I've now started fixing Joe's plate as he has problems walking with it and tends to be on the verge of dumping its contents out on the floor. He also has basically no idea of where his plate should be in relation to feeding himself. Many times I have to move the plate in front of him and push it towards the edge of the table to catch the food that he tries to place on his fork or spoon. We don't have a lot of conversation during the meal. Joe usually buries his face almost in his plate and stays that way until he has cleared his plate as best as he can. At the conclusion of his meal, it now looks as through a small child has just completed eating. That was the case again today at lunch with Trina. One of the frustrating things about his illness is that even simple things such as having a fun lunch alone with friends is becoming a thing of the past. I take him with me so that I can keep my eyes on him and keep him safe as it's becoming increasingly difficult to leave him alone at the house alone. And, I would feel guilty leaving him home while I'm out having a fun time with a friend without him. I am losing my sense of "me" more and more, but would never want to hurt his feelings or make him think I don't love him.
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Joe is developing a mentality that that when he wants something done, he won't wait until it's convenient to me. Case in point....Our landlord is putting up a new fence. We are unable to reach our trashcan. There were a couple of trashbags that needed to be put into the receptacle. I said I would drop them over the fence "in a little while" and then drive the car around into the alley to retrieve and deposit them. I then went on to do something else. Shortly I heard Joe go out the backdoor and proceed to drop the bags over the fence which forced me to drive the car around immediately so that dogs wouldn't rip into the bags. During the process he lost his balance and fell to the ground and couldn't get up. I saw this and decided to see what he would do. He struggled and struggled to get up, but couldn't. I almost torn the little bush out of the ground trying to use it as levage to get up. He couldn't move his feet behind him or figure out how to crawl to try to stand up. I left him there to prove a point for about 10 minutes. The point being what would have happened had I not been there and eventually helped him up? But then I realized that Joe most likely wouldn't "get the point" as his mind wouldn't remember what had just happened so went to help him up.
When I got up I was hoping for some alone time so I could do dishes and straighten the house up without him being up. There are times that if I have to listen to CNN one more time, I feel as though I'm going to scream. It's usually on every morning when I wake up and a constant in my ear whenever he has the television on. We have a bijillion channels and he's stuck on that one. Then there is usually the questions about " where is my..." and I have to get up to find "it" or he's looking for something and I get up to find it because it's just much easier than having him riffle through things and disturb what organization I might have.
Anyway, only moments after I got out of bed, so did he. I did convince him to take his morning meds and go back to bed for awhile. I took his blood sugar first and the glucometer read "HI" which means it's exceedingly high - off the sliding scale. Instead of the Humalog, I gave him about 5 units of Lantus and hope that will bring it down safely.
I quizzed him about what he might have eaten while I was sleeping as I saw the empty box of Cheerios and the crushed empty milk jug. Somewhere during the time I was unaware of his grazing, he'd also eaten two packets of instant oatmeal and an apple. Heaven only knows what else he may have eaten. I'm so glad that I bought the locking toolbox and have it stashed with things he can't get to. If only I could lock the kitchen door when I'm not home or asleep!
Gonna stop for now and get busy while the house is quiet.
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We met Trina for lunch today. It's becoming increasingly apparent to me how much Joe is changing when we eat out these days. When we go to the Dragon Wall, I've now started fixing Joe's plate as he has problems walking with it and tends to be on the verge of dumping its contents out on the floor. He also has basically no idea of where his plate should be in relation to feeding himself. Many times I have to move the plate in front of him and push it towards the edge of the table to catch the food that he tries to place on his fork or spoon. We don't have a lot of conversation during the meal. Joe usually buries his face almost in his plate and stays that way until he has cleared his plate as best as he can. At the conclusion of his meal, it now looks as through a small child has just completed eating. That was the case again today at lunch with Trina. One of the frustrating things about his illness is that even simple things such as having a fun lunch alone with friends is becoming a thing of the past. I take him with me so that I can keep my eyes on him and keep him safe as it's becoming increasingly difficult to leave him alone at the house alone. And, I would feel guilty leaving him home while I'm out having a fun time with a friend without him. I am losing my sense of "me" more and more, but would never want to hurt his feelings or make him think I don't love him.
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Joe is developing a mentality that that when he wants something done, he won't wait until it's convenient to me. Case in point....Our landlord is putting up a new fence. We are unable to reach our trashcan. There were a couple of trashbags that needed to be put into the receptacle. I said I would drop them over the fence "in a little while" and then drive the car around into the alley to retrieve and deposit them. I then went on to do something else. Shortly I heard Joe go out the backdoor and proceed to drop the bags over the fence which forced me to drive the car around immediately so that dogs wouldn't rip into the bags. During the process he lost his balance and fell to the ground and couldn't get up. I saw this and decided to see what he would do. He struggled and struggled to get up, but couldn't. I almost torn the little bush out of the ground trying to use it as levage to get up. He couldn't move his feet behind him or figure out how to crawl to try to stand up. I left him there to prove a point for about 10 minutes. The point being what would have happened had I not been there and eventually helped him up? But then I realized that Joe most likely wouldn't "get the point" as his mind wouldn't remember what had just happened so went to help him up.
A positive point of today is that Joe woke up and knew it was Saturday - he didn't have to ask what day it was.
"I Can't Remember How To Put On My Shoes" - September 8, 2011
Nothing special to say about me other than I never thought I'd be at this point in my life with a husband with continued failing health. We've been married for just a little over 7 years and since July of 2010 our lives have drastically changed. Joe had a heart attack and even died and was revived. Total kidney failure occurred within a matter of a few weeks followed by a series of other medical problems for almost a year. He's now on the verge of losing his eyesight and is showing evidence of memory loss. So, in an effort to document this journey into our unknown, I'm going to attempt to describe life as it was, now is and what may be precursors to our future.
Only two people really know how this is all affecting my own personal life and I'm not writing this for my children to ever read. My fear is that they wouldn't and couldn't understand and would judge me more harshly than I've already been judged. So, it's easier to just record for my own personal documentation.
He went to therapy last Tuesday and met with another therapist. Jeff checked reactions to questions, muscle reflexes and associated tests. Based on how Joe was doing before he had too much fluid drawn off him in dialysis, it is the consensus that Joe's physical condition has deteriorated.
Then a pivotal moment happened to make me take stock of possible drastic changes. It all began early last Thursday morning. It became a morning that made me instantaneously know that life with Joe was changing at that very moment. I normally find and pick out his clothing each morning so that I'm assured he won't go out into the world looking like some homeless guy off the street. Lately it seems as though it's become more than picking out the clothes, but now helping him to dress more often. He seems to have no strength or energy to do that recently. Thursday was one of those days. I found him a shirt, his pants, his special diabetic socks and laid them all on the dining room table. For the sake of time, I went ahead and helped him dress - even zipping up his jeans and fastening his belt. Just before hopping into the shower, I heard him say to me "You'll have to help me with my shoes". "Why"?, I asked. And in his quiet voice he said, "I can't remember how to put on my shoes."
Then yesterday when I delivered him home from dialysis, I came into the house to use the bathroom. Imagine my shock and frustration when I discovered that he'd spilt a large quantity of copper sulfate all over the bathroom floor, the toilet, the rugs - everywhere possible while trying to pour it into the toilet. And he left it there. He had mentioned to our landlord sometime in the recent past that we needed something to add to our toilet to keep it unclogged. Apparently the landlord had brought some over and Joe thought it necessary to add not a little to the toilet, but the entire amount. In doing so, he had made this unbelievable mess. I don't think his mind comprehended what he had done and the consequence of my reaction upon finding this. I am only human, was in a rush to get back to the office, still needed to use the bathroom, but first I had to clean up this colossal mess so I was very upset and set off on a litany of unrepeatable one-sided conversation. This is just the latest example of him "helping" and it causing me to do clean-up.
I've decided it has become a necessary evil to start keeping an account of things that are happening with Joe. I know that I'll most likely be bouncing back and forth and around to do this, but I feel quite certain that somewhere in the future this will benefit either him or me or the both of us.
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Note to self: No more whole chicken for Joe. He couldn't figure out how to get the grilled chicken off the bones last night at dinner. So, I came and picked the chicken off for him.
Also, Joe has started experiencing problems when it comes to swallowing - even water. It tends to make him cough as though he's choking.
Only two people really know how this is all affecting my own personal life and I'm not writing this for my children to ever read. My fear is that they wouldn't and couldn't understand and would judge me more harshly than I've already been judged. So, it's easier to just record for my own personal documentation.
He went to therapy last Tuesday and met with another therapist. Jeff checked reactions to questions, muscle reflexes and associated tests. Based on how Joe was doing before he had too much fluid drawn off him in dialysis, it is the consensus that Joe's physical condition has deteriorated.
Then a pivotal moment happened to make me take stock of possible drastic changes. It all began early last Thursday morning. It became a morning that made me instantaneously know that life with Joe was changing at that very moment. I normally find and pick out his clothing each morning so that I'm assured he won't go out into the world looking like some homeless guy off the street. Lately it seems as though it's become more than picking out the clothes, but now helping him to dress more often. He seems to have no strength or energy to do that recently. Thursday was one of those days. I found him a shirt, his pants, his special diabetic socks and laid them all on the dining room table. For the sake of time, I went ahead and helped him dress - even zipping up his jeans and fastening his belt. Just before hopping into the shower, I heard him say to me "You'll have to help me with my shoes". "Why"?, I asked. And in his quiet voice he said, "I can't remember how to put on my shoes."
Then yesterday when I delivered him home from dialysis, I came into the house to use the bathroom. Imagine my shock and frustration when I discovered that he'd spilt a large quantity of copper sulfate all over the bathroom floor, the toilet, the rugs - everywhere possible while trying to pour it into the toilet. And he left it there. He had mentioned to our landlord sometime in the recent past that we needed something to add to our toilet to keep it unclogged. Apparently the landlord had brought some over and Joe thought it necessary to add not a little to the toilet, but the entire amount. In doing so, he had made this unbelievable mess. I don't think his mind comprehended what he had done and the consequence of my reaction upon finding this. I am only human, was in a rush to get back to the office, still needed to use the bathroom, but first I had to clean up this colossal mess so I was very upset and set off on a litany of unrepeatable one-sided conversation. This is just the latest example of him "helping" and it causing me to do clean-up.
I've decided it has become a necessary evil to start keeping an account of things that are happening with Joe. I know that I'll most likely be bouncing back and forth and around to do this, but I feel quite certain that somewhere in the future this will benefit either him or me or the both of us.
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Note to self: No more whole chicken for Joe. He couldn't figure out how to get the grilled chicken off the bones last night at dinner. So, I came and picked the chicken off for him.
Also, Joe has started experiencing problems when it comes to swallowing - even water. It tends to make him cough as though he's choking.
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