My Quality of Care

I don't always feel confident that I give Joe the kind of care and attention he deserves.  Sometimes I worry that I won't be able to figure out what I need to do and make the right decisions.  What if I make the wrong decision?

I do know that when moments of crisis has occurred though, I have had some innate sense of right and knowledge kick in at the precise time I've needed help.  I may have been talking out loud to myself, panicking, talking to 911 on the phone and praying all at the same time, but I have had that instinctual need to save Joe's life click for me - at the right time.  I have risen to meet some very difficult challenges and felt confident and pleased with myself in the end. 

So, the same type of care that I give to Joe in moments of crisis, I want to be able to offer during the "normal", non-panicked times.

They say, "God doesn't give you more than you can handle."  (I say, "He must have me mixed up with someone else").  Some days it's a constant rush of chaos, combined with crisis and it's just react, react, react.

During those times, I have no choice but to grab onto whatever I can - intuition, instinct, Mother Magic - whatever label you want to put on it.  Everything happens so quickly, so instantaneously.  DECIDE.  RESPOND.  ACT.  Do the best you can knowing that there is no right or wrong, it's just DO IT!  It is truly a living hell that no one looking in from the outside can fully understand and they certainly should not be judging.  I've had to move and move quickly and nothing seems safe at that time.  I've come to fully realize that my Heavenly Father has truly guided me in my thoughts and in my actions.  By doing so, I have saved the life of my husband on several occasions.  There have been times after the crisis has been averted when I have just had to sit down and cry when the reality of what has just transpired hits me.  I have literally had Joe's life in my hands.  What if I hadn't done the right thing?  What happens if I can't respond the next time?

When I do come out on the other end, I wonder how I lived through it and I take a deep breath and say a prayer of thankfulness.

Someone wrote:  "Every crisis comes with automatic Power steering".  Amen.