Depression and Suicide

One day last week, I had to pick Joe up from the Senior Center and bring him home.  They called to say he wasn't feeling well.  I had no choice but to leave him alone.  Since he'd already eaten there, I got him all tucked into bed, told him to stay there and left.  About five hours later, I returned.

I'd not heard anything from him during that entire time.  I didn't want to call and wake him up especially if he was sleeping really well.  And, he didn't think to call me like I'd asked him to.  So, as I drove up to the front of the house, I was almost afraid to get out of the car.

What if something had happened to him?  What if he'd done something to himself? These were valid concerns as Joe continues to wrestle with depression and has voiced doing something to himself in the recent past.  Would he really not love me enough to do that to me?  I can't answer that and don't want to ever be faced with happening.

I am genuinely afraid that if circumstances presented itself and if Joe was in the right frame of mind, he would truly take his life.  I've not voiced that out loud to family members.  Only to Marla.  Joe lost a law partner sometime back who hanged himself and Joe found him.  I think that has haunted him since then.  I had a friend whose teen aged son took his life a little over a year ago.  There was a question/discussion as to the Church's stand on suicide.  This is what I found...

Although it is wrong to take one's own life, a person who commits suicide may not be responsible for his or her acts. Only God can judge such a matter. Elder M. Russell Ballard of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles has said:
“Obviously, we do not know the full circumstances surrounding every suicide. Only the Lord knows all the details, and he it is who will judge our actions here on earth.
”When he does judge us, I feel he will take all things into consideration: our genetic and chemical makeup, our mental state, our intellectual capacity, the teachings we have received, the traditions of our fathers, our health, and so forth“ (”Suicide: Some Things We Know, and Some We Do Not,“ Ensign, Oct. 1987, 8).

I was very hesitant to read this to Joe because it was almost giving him permission if this is what he ever decided to do.  With all his physical and mental limitations and his eyesight getting worse, I was afraid he might think he'd be justified if he wanted to end his life.

So, the other night after I'd not heard from him for that long period of time as I was pulling up in front of the house, I was afraid what I might find when I opened the door.  All was well, but I always have that on the back of my mind when times get hard for Joe.  I get scared when he says things like "Well, you won't have to worry about me much longer".  or "Well, I won't be here when you come home today". 

After last nights physical confrontation, I know I've got to do something and quick.